Sleep, Perchance to Sleep all night

Not in the least bit sleep deprived. Not me.
Our sleeping woes continue here in the casa. He's still waking up multiple times a night, crying for us, and we're taking our turns going in to soothe him. Sometimes, we just stand there together, talking about mundane things, and the sounds soothe him back to sleep again.

Yes, I drink coffee, every morning. I wish I didn't have to - but it makes me so much happier to have it, that I allow it. A splash of lactose free milk and a generous dollop of sweetener, and I can face anything.

But I find myself slipping into a funk, wondering when it will end. I know it will, but when. And then, in the larger scheme, I feel ashamed for it. Knowing that there are people with real problems with real cause for worry at night, and here I am, in the dark, rubbing my son's back and the soft curls on his head.

Claire went through a period of truly terrible sleep as well. She had night terrors the entire summer after her third birthday, followed by months of nightmares. And now, she is the greatest sleeper ever, even when we were camping. She just gets comfortable and out she goes.

I know Ben will get there, I do. But in the here and now, in the small hours, in the middle of the night, sometimes I stand there, reaching into the darkness and I wonder if he ever will.


Rebekah said…
What a beautiful little guy!

I say anything that keeps you awake at night constitutes A Real Problem.
You definitely have my sympathy. Sleep dep is the worst. It taints everything. It is only natural that you are frustrated by it. There is a reason they use sleep dep as a torture technique. Because it breaks people down.

I really hope that this passes. I wish I had some sage advice. We are struggling with both kids right now. Elanor has good an bad nights. Some nights she is out and fine. Others she is crying and even shrieking some times. Will various a lot. I am fearing it is time to let him cry it out. But how without him waking Elanor is the big question. *sigh*

I hope Ben adjusts soon and will quiet himself down.
Virginie said…
Oh Diane.... You shouldn't have to feel bad for the funk. I hear sleep deprivation is a form of torture for POWs. We simply NEED sleep to function and without it, we just physically and mentally deteriorate.
You are not alone in this battle - so many parents are where you are at. Heck, a pregnant woman that I know well goes through long stretches of the night awake and laying there pondering the meaning of life...
You know that scene in the movie Amelie when she thinks of how many people are having sex at a very particular moment (!), just do what she does in those lonely and funky moments and try to think of all the others around you in the same predicament :) And feel the love within this big crowd :)
I know I'll be thinking of you tonight when I "lay there" uncomfortable and miserable ;)
Painless Mama said…
I love that you both reminded me that sleep deprivation is a form of torture!

For both of you - it does get better. V, you will have that baby and a new chapter of madness will begin.

M, that's actually part of our problem too - we can't let him cry it out because he will wake up Claire. And he doesn't seem to soothe himself by CIO.

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