Saturday, April 5, 2014

Musings


I can't think of an organized thing to tell you this week, but I can probably come up with a few smaller bits. 

  1. Despite my last post, the weather hasn't improved all that much. Sure, it was nice and sunny yesterday. But today, it's back to gray skies and chilly. I'd like to burn my winter coat. 
  2. Eating Paleo sucks in this sort of weather. I want warm carby food. Buttered noodles, toasted pita popcorn. But I will persevere. 
  3. Claire has been whining non-stop all morning. At her brother, her homework and now (dear lord save me) AT HER COLORING BOOK. I. Just. Can't
  4. The kids are starting swimming lessons today. Both are excited - and they get to go with a friend, which is extra awesome for me. The friend's mom is one of my bestest buddies on earth. Am so excited that I get to spend scheduled time with her EVERY WEEK from now until June! 
  5. I made the coffee too strong this morning, and took my anti-depressant. This is an unpleasant combination, to say the least. I'm on a razor's edge. My eyeballs feel twitchy and I have so much to do, I can't focus on any single task long enough to finish it. 

Friday, March 21, 2014

Not-SAD

The tides are turning.
The light lingers longer in the evenings. And you despair less and less each day.

The sun is warm, when the wind dies down.
The sky is a perfect blue.

There are still moments where the darkness creeps in. But it's not the same penetrating black thing as before - it's a crepe-colored grey, with cracks of beauty seeping in. Flashes of light. Glimmers.
Amid the dead, dry leaves from last fall, when the bleak days began, there is life. Daffodils, and crocuses are starting to peek their cautious heads out. That's how I feel.

Cautious and peeking

Saturday, March 1, 2014

The New Normal

For the last month, we've had a new routine around here.

Ben's school extended his class from 2 and a half hours to a full five. He's there all afternoon. It's fantastic for him - he was bouncing off the walls and needed way more than I could give him. I was also beginning to worry a bit about how well he would transition to full-day kindergarten in September.

However, his school stepped up and now he's got enough to keep him busy. At the same time, I was also feeling like I didn't get enough time with Claire.

Now I get both. She gets out of school at 2:30 and we come home, and I have a nice concentrated block of time with her. So far, we've done homework, and read books. But I don't think I realized what a pain it was for her to think with her brother around. He's just chaos incarnate these days. So, her work is improving.

We haven't had this kind of time together, she and I, since she was in PreK and Dave was working at home. I'd leave Ben napping and walk to her school to get her, we'd have a great time together until he woke up again.

And since Claire doesn't need help, but wants company - I am sitting here, next to her, working on this, while she talks her way through her math work.

It's nice.

Friday, February 28, 2014

Friday

A day in the life: because this seems to be the new hotness in blog posts this week, and I'm trying to get more writing done. Here goes. Prepare to be underwhelmed.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

After

We went, and it was glorious. Sure, there was yelling, we are human after all. But there was also swimming, and splashing, and sitting in deck chairs reading books, and fireworks and sand castling and exploring.

And, quite honestly, any vacation that includes the phrase "...we are go for liftoff" in real time, is a bona fide success in my book.

But now, we're home. Dave is traveling for work this whole week, I have a cold and it's going to snow again. Then again, the days are getting longer, the crocuses are starting to sprout and next week, it's March.

I think I may have survived, afterall.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Saturday

It's a sunny Saturday in February and we are hours away from leaving on a well-deserved, much over-due vacation.

I am a mess.

We're still packing.

I've been up at 5 the last two mornings, filled with anxiety over departure. I've slept badly, nights filled with nervous wanderings through empty airports and missed flights.

Once we're on the plane, heading to our destination, I think I'll be better. Right now, I am making endless lists, moving things from one room to another. Worrying the minutia into the ground. I am at the end of a frayed rope, I've yelled at Ben more times this morning than the rest of the week put together. I've clenched my teeth and muttered under my breath.

We will get there, and it will be glorious, I'm sure. But for right now, I'd rather be any place else.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Ambulabunt in tempore

My birthday is coming. Six days away, and I'll cross another year off the list.

I'll be 42, which at once seems so young and so much older than I think I ought to be. Some days, I feel like I should still be riding around with my friends, going to the movies, and getting a milkshake and fries for dinner. Buying earrings and posters for my walls at Roosevelt Field.

Some days, I think about my youth, and about staying up late, in dorm rooms, chatting with friends, or heading to bars to dance with the wrong sorts of boys.

Instead, I'm sitting here. Wearing sensible pants, married to the very most right sort of man, with our children sleeping a room away. I own practical shoes, and cardigans, and take good care of my teeth.

I think about these things. Among the everyday things I think about - groceries and chores, books I'm reading and friends I ought to catch up with. I think about the time I had when I was young.

It's making me do crazy things - like dye a stripe of my hair fuschia. It's making me wonder what other crazy things I could try.

I think about these things.